My Personal Statement

By Vanessa Thompson (vtButterfly), Founder of the I HAVE Challenge

I was reluctant to take on this assignment. And yes, I call it an assignment—not a job, not a project, and not a duty. I believe I was ordained to do this work. It chose me just as much as I chose to say yes to it.

It’s not easy to admit that I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation for most of my life. I’ve attempted to end my life three times. And even now, there are days when I still grapple with the question: Is life worth living?

Suicidal ideation doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care about your political status, income, race, gender, background, or even your faith. It shows up uninvited—whenever it wants, to whomever it wants. And far too many of us suffer in silence because we’re afraid of how others will respond if we speak the truth.

When I’ve opened up about my struggles, I’ve seen discomfort wash over people’s faces. They didn’t know what to say. Some looked at me like I was unstable. So I learned to retreat. I put on the mask. I performed. I played the role of “normal” while dying inside—from loneliness, frustration, and deep, aching isolation.

I come from a dysfunctional family I barely know. I was an abused, bullied, and mistreated child. As a result, making friends has never come easy for me—even today. Food became my best friend. Television became my companion. And silence became my shield.

The I HAVE Challenge was born from that silence. It’s my way of breaking it—not just for me, but for all of us. For every person who’s ever had the thought but never said it out loud. For those who are still here. And for those we’ve lost.

This is my truth. And I’m offering it as an invitation:

If you’ve ever considered suicide, say it.

If you’re still here, say it.

If you’re choosing life, say it.

Say: I HAVE.

Because you’re not alone. You never were.

—Vanessa Thompson